Rage. A lot of it. Carried since the death of my father after my 13th birthday. Fast forward 55 years. Rage is still there, anger, depression, self loathing, Major Depressive Disorder.
Tried antidepressants. They worked for a little while, but my body adjusted to them which meant they had to be changed. Taken off of one, put on another, and round and round until I just stopped taking them.
I was fed up. Inside my head was a scary place to be. On the outside? Larger than life, laughing, smiling...On the inside? Alone. Permanently sad. Hating the person looking back at me in the mirror.
Then I saw an ad for Mindful TMS. I went to the website, read everything I could about the treatment. Read studies from Mayo Clinic, Northwestern, anywhere really. And did nothing with the information.
Until I pushed myself to call. Claudia returned my call and after chatting with her for a little while, I set my first appointment. I mean...no side effects to speak of, TOTALLY non-invasive, and fully covered by insurance. What do I have to lose? First appointment I met the doctor, and Jonathan, the tech that oversaw my treatment. A caring, compassionate man. (I met Claudia a few days later. Another wonderful human being). Had 34 sessions at 84%. (think of a steel-beaked woodpecker tapping at the same spot on your head for 15-20 minutes a session.)
The rage I carried for so many years? GONE. Self-loathing? GONE
Anger? GONE. Some of the depression is still there, but talk therapy can mitigate that. On the whole, I cannot say enough GOOD things about my experience. My family noticed a change (my "edge" is gone), my wife says I'm a nicer person now. Softer, in a sense.
If you need the help, GET IT. That first phone call is hard to make, but you'll be glad you did. Claudia, Jonathan, and Dr. Rao did for me in a few weeks that years of anti-depressants couldn't.
Put a smile on my face.